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Coffee Break Laughs
08-05-2011, 05:33 PM
Post: #61
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
Proposed cuts to the National Health Service.

The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime
Minister David Cameron's health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised
not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but
the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians
said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the
Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their
hands of the whole thing.

The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn't hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the
Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the
matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists
were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the
Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up
to the arseholes in London ..

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08-06-2011, 05:32 PM
Post: #62
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . And think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

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08-19-2011, 06:13 AM
Post: #63
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
Coleman Balls - recently released by someone in the BBC

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie ( Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

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08-21-2011, 07:02 AM
Post: #64
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina .

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08-25-2011, 08:00 AM
Post: #65
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
I had to change my password this morning and it had to be 8 characters long so I chose snow white and the seven dwarfs.

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12-05-2011, 09:39 AM
Post: #66
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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12-08-2011, 08:05 AM
Post: #67
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
Wife asks husband "How many women have you slept with?" Husband proudly responds " Only you, Darling- With all the others I was awake"

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12-08-2011, 02:34 PM
Post: #68
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
THE SCOTTISH COW.

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.

It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried,the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife is from Scotland"

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12-09-2011, 05:44 AM
Post: #69
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
Daughter: dad Im a lesbian.
Dad: Okay its cool
Other daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too.
Dad: dang! Does anyone in this family like guys!
Son: I do!

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12-11-2011, 04:25 PM
Post: #70
RE: Coffee Break Laughs
Sitting in a bar having a drink with a friend I casually pointed to 2 old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said "That's us in 10 years"
He said "That's a mirror dipshit"

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