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Coffee Break Laughs - Printable Version

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RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 07-13-2011 02:23 PM

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 07-19-2011 03:56 PM

â—¦Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 07-20-2011 09:16 AM

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 07-22-2011 05:17 PM

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him." Insurance report.

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - XhaXhai - 07-26-2011 11:26 AM

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
Directory Enquiries:
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 07-28-2011 02:29 PM

I once spent a whole summer in my youth rolling down hills in a tyre. That was a Goodyear Big Grin

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 08-01-2011 02:54 PM

â—¦Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
â—¦Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 08-02-2011 12:54 PM

A fellow charged with robbing a sporting-goods store asked a lawyer to defend him. The lawyer hesitated a moment and said "I will take your case, if you will assure me of two things: you are truly innocent, and that you will pay me $1600". The client thought for a moment, then said, "How about $400 and a nice set of golf clubs?"

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 08-04-2011 05:43 PM

Mrs. Flanders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, and a ruby pendant."
"But you're not wearing any of those," he told her.

"I know, it's in case I die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry, and I want her to go nuts looking for my jewelry."

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 08-05-2011 04:56 PM

A Professional Quiz

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional.” Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Wrong Answer!

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do
you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.