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Coffee Break Laughs - Printable Version

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RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-06-2011 09:14 AM

(05-04-2011 08:16 PM)XhaXhai Wrote:  If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors, this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......
The 2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

WE'VE been around the block more than once!

Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
Witness: "After the accident?"
Lawyer: "Before the accident."
Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it." Huh

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-09-2011 03:34 PM

Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
Witness: "Four times." Huh

I am passing this on from someone because it definitely worked for me yesterday and we could all use more calm in our lives. Apparently a doctor on the Radio said the way to achieve inner peace was to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and before leaving for work this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of chadonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pocket of pranglies, th mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scritpins, the res of tha chesecak and a bax of choclits.
Yu haf ni bludy idr how bludy gud i fele rite now
Trific Big Grin

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check
tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the saltTongue

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-10-2011 03:13 PM

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.Confused

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-11-2011 05:26 PM

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?Huh
Warning: The cosumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.Big Grin

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-13-2011 10:27 AM

A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-17-2011 02:40 PM

At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said "Mr. President, I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you." He replied: "You lose."

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-17-2011 02:48 PM

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.Confused

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-17-2011 02:59 PM

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-18-2011 09:51 AM

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when Charles DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.

DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded, �Does that include those who are buried here?"

DeGaulle did not respond.

RE: Coffee Break Laughs - bizitalker - 05-23-2011 10:39 AM

A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, "How did you get such a huge orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire...what is your first wish?' I said, I'd like all the money I could ever spend.' The genie went Poof!', and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said, What is your second wish?' I said, I'd like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.' The genie went Poof!', and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, And what is your third wish?'...and I think this is where I went wrong...I said, I'd like a huge orange head.'"